(86) Negative Contact

from MCMLXXX by Phil Barbato

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I was a Space Camp kid. Not that I went (my parents couldn't afford it). But I dreamed of it. I didn't even watch the movie because I was jealous of those damn kids. I wanted to be an astronaut. I wanted to fly over the Earth on the robot arm of the Space Shuttle. Didn't we all? When they told us a teacher was going to fly on the Space Shuttle didn't we start to believe we could all go to space?

I was home sick, watching the Price is Right. The shuttle launch wasn't televised that day, but the news must have cut in, because I remember the images vividly. That wretched claw-shaped cloud is etched into my brain.

On January 28th, 1986, barely a minute into its flight, Space Shuttle Challenger broke apart over the waters of Cape Canaveral. Everyone aboard perished. Their friends and family and students watched from the grandstand.

That moment was the beginning of the end of innocence. The first cracks of reality in a big and wonderful dream. The first time I thought maybe I couldn't be an astronaut. Maybe I didn't want to be an astronaut.

Am I ascribing more meaning to this in hindsight than it held for me at the time? Probably. Memory is a slippery, inacurate thing. This may be what happened or it may be apocryphal.

But I know I cried writing this song. I know I still miss that kid who made balsa wood models of the Space Shuttle and had pictures of fighter jets on his wall. This song is for the kids who lost a dream that day.

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from MCMLXXX, released March 22, 2024

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Phil Barbato Richmond, Virginia

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